Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there’s no one else to blame
Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me,
I am small, and needy
Warm me up, and breathe me
-Lyrics from Sia, Breathe Me
I heard these lyrics years ago. Before I even began my Recovery Journey. After researching the singer, Sia I found many similarities with mental health and addiction and could understand her story and I could emphathize…
A word, as a action verb we breathe to live. We breathe for survival. We breathe for the air to fill our lungs and recycle as we exhale. This word, Breathe, on so many levels it is symbolic and has meaning to every single one of us. I was speaking to my sponsor the other day, and she said, Just stop, just breathe. Deep inhale, deep exhale. Breathe. Slow Down. Breathe… Then, like clockwork the tears start to flow and I am able to release, to breathe and let go…
You May think what do I need to let go of…. A lot. My conception rather my irrational perception of what I can take care of; who I can direct or rather redirect; when people, places and things are supposed to happen… you get it, right? The breathing rather exhaling of all that I cant control.. The inhaling of peace in knowing who I see looking back in the mirror at me, that is who I have the best chance to control. Her… and more times that not, her, she, me is so stubborn to even take time to breathe. yes the one who wants to handle and direct everyone around her’s breathing and not consider taking care of her own. Sigh…are you breathing in what I am saying? Of course you are. One day at a time. A term Ive embraced and a term I have hated. You know it is so easy to tell everyone around me what I think will work, what I think can be fixed, and give you a set of blueprints hot off the press outlining the work you need to do for yourself.
I look at my life, and you know when we happen to speak about lungs, they talk about the trunks, the branches just like a Family Tree…. Follow me now on this….
We have the family tree…It has the roots that are deeply grounded those date back to a long history of the blood line that brought you here. Was there mental health issues, were they alcoholics? Did they endur life scarring trauma? Ok, so after the roots working our way up, next are the branches….You have 2 sides, and most families have at least 4 sides with divorce and re-marriages, relationships etc… so off of these branches you appear. You are here, and now you are breathing probably a sigh that you have made it this far, right? You see, we get here, and start our own branches…you, like those before you have become the root. Looking at your life with honestly, are you the root problem or are you the root solution?
Breathe…I know it is a lot to take in….
I think for me and one of the reasons I love helping and working with others is finding the underlying history for the reason our paths have crossed…. maybe you need oxygen for the leaves to grow again. Maybe you need sunshine to help get you growing again. Maybe you just need to sit down face to face and sigh… a breathe of relief…We are here… Pursuit of Recovery… to breathe, to sigh and to exhale the BS so our lungs can be filled with peace, love and serenity….
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Amy E. Cooper | Pursuit of Recovery
124 East County Highway 30A
Santa Rosa Beach, FL 32459
Certified Addiction Counselor, CAC
Professional Interventionist, NCACIP
Recovery Coach, NCRC