Love of Self
Love, such a complex word.
With so many meanings, feelings and consequences that are physical, spiritual, emotional and so on. The results can be good, bad and make us happy or sad.
“Talk to yourself like someone you Love”
Brene Brown
One of the most valuable lessons I have learned in Recovery, and continue to embrace is that love begins from within.
You are to love yourself so you can give it to others.
Family, friends, colleagues etc. There is a certain depth of love with all of these people, places and things to some extent. Pursuing self love I felt for so long was selfish. Well, I did.. I was told by a former client in a group setting years ago that we have to be selfish to be selfless.
With those who are the throes of deep active addiction we claim we are not hurting anyone.
So untrue.
We are hurting ourselves, which reflects selfishness in which no love is found. As we continue to down the bottle; inject the poison with the needle; stuff the pie in our face; smoke the substance in our lungs; or just pop the non-prescription in our bloodstream, we have not a damn clue about love. These are all addictions and it will take more than just the willpower for most to stop.
Many addicts and alcoholics suffered from the absence of love at some point in their early years.
Some of us never had the life that we thought we deserved, and then others who portrayed the perfect life lived in a holy hell.
You know, after getting sober, I thought the world was supposed to all be perfect.
Like the unicorn, rainbows, pink slippers and yes kittens. Ha,Ha,Ha…I have laughed at that one for a while…
No, after we get sober is truly when the work begins.
You start to FEEL. You start to have emotions and you finally decide to open back up your Heart.
Sober or not, we all want to have a heart for love and to feel love, that is human nature.
I’ll be darned when things did not go my way in the relationship department I was all about cut and run. My screwed up brain and torn heart had a different perception of what Love was, until, I got Sober.
Recovery has a gift awaiting to be opened. It offers tools to provide us to get through anything and not go relapse. Recovery has given me that gift of discernment in learning to just sit in my feelings until I identify if they are actually factual. Early Recovery taught me how to pull my head out of my ass, and look at myself in the mirror and realize I was the common denominator of all my shit show cycles and chaos cyclones in active addiction. It's about me not only surviving, but actually thriving on the lessons I have learned about love.
I “get” to learn about LOVE.
I “get” to have healthy relationships.
I “get” to have a clear conscious.
I “get” to LIVE.
I “get” to LIVE to tell others who may be struggling.
It's about standing on my own 2 feet and finding out who I am and why things didn't work and what my part was in it. When we love someone it's not about just you, it's a WE deal. If the W and E aren't in sync then WE have a major problem and if we don't have communication skills sharpened and are writing with a dull pencil, then more than likely we are going to just smudge up the relationship canvas.
Love is an action, a verb, a feeling, an emotion, a belief. There are many complicated things, yet for some it's very simple.
Simple…. One day at a time.
Quoting Marianna Williamson
“In the absence of love, we began slowly but surely to fall apart.”
I don't want to fall apart. I want to put the pieces back together and Love.
I want to live and thrive in this new life. I am not going to throw away these years that I have busted my butt for losing it all to my ego and self pity. I am a survivor, thriver and and a lover of my life in Recovery all in one.
God has a plan and I am willing to do what it takes and allow my higher power’s love to be more than sufficient for me.
Peace,LOVE, and prayers...Amy C.
